Monday, August 9, 2010

Bigger, Faster, Shiny

Last week I wrote a blog about how we got this house; and about God showing me how my design matches up with this house after all if we just work together to make some changes and line a few things up. I was sure and I believed it. Down to the inch.

Then my faith faltered a bit... over the weekend something came along that was shiny. You know how something shiny catches your eye and distracts you? Well I don't count myself as the type who gets distracted by shiny things anymore. As a matter of fact, much of the peace and happiness I've enjoyed over the recent few years could be linked to disregarding shiny things; or simply put, saying no: no to an activity, no to a commitment, no to an opportunity (oh so many) and no to even some relationships. I was starting to think I was invincible to shiny distractions, but I'm not. A really big shiny one came along.

It caught my attention because I thought maybe we could fast forward a bit and mostly because I thought we could have more time together as a family. I miss my husband a lot. I am grateful for his job, but he works really long hours.

We were informally offered a partnership in the very type of food we are starting to do for ourselves (grassfed beef, etc.) with a farmer who has a massively large piece of property. All of the sudden I decided maybe all the design stuff was something I misheard, because goodness, how shiny this was. I spent the entire week doing my thing that I do... market analysis, profitability margins, feasibility studies, structure options, cashflow and capital considerations etc. etc. (ad nauseum). That's sort of what I do even when I don't want to-- business modeling in my head. Some people lay awake at night and think about the show they just watched on TV. I lay awake and run a feasibility analysis for my latest idea. It's true. [side note: just so you aren't confused, I have two core businesses: my art business and my idea business. The idea business will launch multiple sub-businesses but I will not manage those long term... oh, and then there is the farm business which will be Cory's, should we do it].

So anyway, we are admittedly enamored by the farmstead lifestyle and the lure of self-employment for both of us. It's what we are working toward. This opportunity looked like that, but bigger and faster. So I took a week. Today was my meeting. I'm not sorry I took a week. Sure, I got behind on a few things, but now I know. I had dismissed the opportunity earlier in the year but the lure of Cory being included was, I think, sufficient grounds for the time it took to give it ample consideration. When all is said and done the terms won't make sense for us. We don't do risk like we used to, we are a little older and a little wiser. We also don't burn time like we used to because we are simply...older.

I pulled back into my driveway at the end of the day today and couldn't help but smile to myself. Our cows were there waiting on us, everything was still lovely and peaceful...and smaller and slower.... and it seems that's just the way I like it. The work on the house that needs to be done didn't seem so bad after all, and I felt at ease again. I am reassured and still believe God has designed this house, this place and plenty of good plans for us, down to the inch. I will get to the work I need to each day, and Lord let it be just enough so that I don't miss a day of my babies growing or an evening of putting dinner in front of the man I love.

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